Making your child like school might be difficult in some cases. Here are tips to help you in this task
By Frank Adebayo
Sometimes as parent, you are faced with difficult situation of making your child like school or be excited about preparing and going to school.
To some parents, this situation calls for a hard stance as the child must be taught how not to be a ‘truant.’ Many parents believe that a child’s reluctance to go to school is a sign of laziness or trying to be difficult.
But Dr Jenn Mann, an American Psychologist, believes when children start throwing fits and tantrums about not wanting to go to school, especially at elementary school age, that this is often ‘just a small step backward in the child’s natural progression toward independence, but it can sometimes be a sign of anxiety issues.’
Likewise, Dr Judy Willis, an American board-certified neurologist and middle school teacher, specializing in classroom strategies derived from brain research, says if your child, especially an older one, hates school, it is probably not his fault, nor that of his teacher, but rather it can be evidence that ‘his brain is functioning appropriately.’
Willis, who left her neurology practice to become a teacher as a result of the increasing number of children referred to her practice by teachers who suspected they had attention or other neurological disorders that caused them to “act out” or “zone out” in class, blames the stress of boring lessons that have little personal relevance, and the frustration of not keeping up with the overloaded curriculum, as major reasons why some students do not like attending school or classes.
For the kindergarten reluctant student, Mann’s tips are:
- Recognize the child’s fears: even though parents think kindergarten and the early grades are low-key, for children, school is hard work! Also, starting at age 5, there is a natural spike in anxiety as children begin to understand that we are vulnerable.
- Reduce the fun factor at home: Sometimes children want to skip school simply because home is a better place to be. The solution is to make staying home from school boring! When your child does stay home, of course you should take care of her, but don’t give her any screen time or treats.
- Suss out the situation: Your child may be concerned about a specific problem, but can’t quite express or understand what he wants to avoid. Try and find out what actually is wrong.
- Address deeper problems: If your child constantly resists going to school, is so distraught that she can’t stop crying, or shows other signs of anxiety like nightmares or a fear of being left alone, ask your pediatrician about seeing a therapist who focuses on childhood anxiety.
For Willis, she gives advice on dealing with reluctant school going children, especially if the reluctance has to do with ‘overstuffed and uninteresting’ school curriculum:
- Parents Need to Be Brain Preservers: You can enrich and expand your children’s learning experiences and help them be more successful on tests and other school assessments.
- You can use strategies with your children at home to reverse school negativity and promote the mindset your children need to regain in order to sustain a positive attitude about themselves and school. The key to this process is to connect your children to what they learn at school through their interests and past positive experiences, so they will WANT to learn what they HAVE to learn.
- Get your child to do things they can do easily: It helps motivate children to exert effort when they believe it will pay off.
- Preheat Your Child’s Memory Networks: Connect their brains to the topics they will be studying at school by looking at photos or videos of family trips, objects they own that were made in countries they study, or reading favorite stories that relate to topics in school subjects. Also, you’ll further preheat the memory links to connect their interest to school work when you ask your children questions that help them personally connect these stories, past experiences, possessions, or their interests to the current or upcoming school topics. Stimulate curiosity in your children so they want to discover answers and solve problems.
- Stimulate curiosity in your children related to school topics, and then work with them as they learn how to discover answers to their curiosity-motivated questions. You will not only be increasing positive school topic connections, but also help them develop critical thinking skills and other frontal lobe executive functions as they analyze information (from their memories, books, the internet, and from you) to answer their questions.
- Preparing to Be a Brain Coach: You may need the curriculum in advance from your child’s teacher, but more likely, the teacher will be required to follow the textbook in a strictly sequential manner. As long as you know what material will be studied in the next class unit, you can find ways to bring it into active discussions at home.
- Turn Negativity to Motivation: You can help your child build life skills such as improved memory, focus, organization, and goal setting. Use your knowledge of your children’s interests, past enjoyable experiences, and learning strengths to bridge their interest to school subjects will result in their improved attitudes, motivation, perseverance, and ultimately their increased confidence that their efforts will pay off.
There are lots of reasons children might ask to stay home from school sometimes, including just needing to take a day off to recharge. But if your child often wants to skip school, it’s important to understand why. How you respond can either shut down a conversation or open it up.
Note that children don’t usually act out for no reason. It is possible your child is having a hard time at school. It could be something very recent or something that has been building for a long time. Always talk to your child to find out what is going on in school and around him.
